When Gen got hurt in 2007 I thought I was going to lose him. I freaked out. Often. Anyone who knew me at that time can tell you that I was all kinds of crazy. Looking for a photo for Terry at Moondance Ranch for her incredibly nice shout out post I went back to the day of what I thought was going to be Gen’s last photo shoot.
Even all these years later it brought me right back to that moment. To those feelings being out of control. To saying good bye a thousand times a day to Gen but refusing to let go. I just wanted one nice picture, just one. Instead I ended up with many beautiful pictures. If only I could have known back then that I would still have my Gen in 2013. That every thing would turn out okay. Thinking that I was loosing him made me take the time to do something to clean him up and take pictures.
Those moments in 2007 are something that stay with me forever. I know what it is like to imagine a life without Gen, and it is not the kind of life I want, at least not for a long while. That fear was and is so deep that it will always be with me. That being said both Gen and I have come a long, long way from the day that picture was taken.
We are worlds away from Gen’s first day back on turnout, from changing barns, from being turned out without boots on. It is amazing how much time alone can heal.
“The destruction of the past is perhaps the greatest of all crimes.” -Simone Weil
Looking at those photos from that day may have taken my breath away for a moment, but these days it only takes a moment for the knot in my stomach to loosen and my breath to come back. I will always remember how terrible it was, but remembering how horrible it was helps to make the moments of today so much sweeter. Those photos might have been taken in desperation, but they live on in a much different and happier way.