Gen is my horse. Period.
He picked me. He suckered me in and made me fall in love with him. I think that he could spot a sucker from a mile away. I leased him first, and then he was given to me. Everyone could tell that he was my horse, even his owner which is why he became mine.
Gen has always been a fickle horse. From throwing kicks at my trainers head during a lesson to ripping the lead rope out of a barn workers hands he always lets you know how he feels about you. One of the biggest complements that I have ever received was from a fellow boarder at a barn about a year after I got Gen. She said that his eye changed as soon as I walked in to the barn. She said that when I was not around Gen was ornery, unhappy and mean. As soon as I walked in to the barn his eye would suddenly soften and he would turn in to the big softy that you all know him as.
I have had Gen since 2005. He was retired back in 2007. I have owned him for a lot longer retired than as a riding horse.
Most of the time I am fine with Gen’s retirement. Gen was perfect for me most of the time. His gaits fit me perfectly so the two years that I rode him were like magic. I can’t help but smile as I remember flying through the fields on him at a full out gallop. Even though Gen was my dressage pony he did a perfect 2 foot course for me prompting my friends and fellow boarders to question why we didn’t do some hunter classes. I know that we had our bad days, I can still hear the whistle caused by Gen’s legs flying close to my head during an epic buck, or the days were I just had to let him run because he was starting to rear, but those days are fuzzy, like an out of focus picture.
I miss riding Gen. I miss having a horse that was so in tune with me that I could just think of something and he would do it. Gen gave me his heart under saddle.
Somedays I look at him and think about getting on him and walking him around. Gen was brave as anything so an ambling trail ride would be perfect.
But then I think about him tripping, or rearing and hurting himself and I know I couldn’t do it.
My vet has been very clear about this. Gen can only be walked under saddle. Even then it can only be for short periods of time. He cannot medically clear my pony to even take a single trot step under tack.
If Gen were a quieter horse, I think I would do it. He is not though. Gen is Gen.
If he is stupid in his field and kills himself that is on him. If I ride him and he is stupid and kills himself that is on me. So it isn’t worth the risk because I know I couldn’t live with myself if that happened.
That doesn’t stop me from getting sad sometimes though. When I go to a show and I see a big gray horse acting up I get a little teary. I am lucky that I don’t have to miss him because he is still around, but I truly miss riding him. I feel so lucky that I have had X, Phoenix, the SchoolMaster, and Lucky to ride, but in the same breath I can’t help but be a little resentful that I don’t get my perfect happy ending. There is no real point to this post. I am just a little sad about not being able to ride my horse. It happens sometimes. Most of the time I am so happy and proud of all I have done while still keeping Gen happy and in the life he is accustom, but today I just wish I lived in a Fairy Tale world where everything has a happy ending. I will get over myself, I always do. A pity party for one can only last do long…