why I was so scared about loosing Gen when he fell on Friday.
Gen means so much to me. Not only is he my first and potentially only horse, but he is also my once in a lifetime horse. Some people ride their whole lives and never find the horse that is perfect for them. Gen is perfect in my eyes and he always will be. I love him so much.
As a horse crazy kid I always dreamed of having my own horse. I spent countless hours thinking about it and wishing and hoping. In all that time I never actually thought I would get a horse of my own. I had always leased as needed and figured that would be just how it was for the rest of my life. Sure, I would always close my eyes and dream of galloping my own horse through the field, but that was always just a fantasy.
I think every horse person dreams of having a bond with their horse that is like no other. I mean, movies like War Horse, Flicka, Black Beauty are all based on these amazing human horse connection. I tend to be a bit on the cynical side of that sort of thing. Or at least I used to be.
Then I found Gen.
Gen loved me long before I loved him. He chose me as his person. I was in grad school and couldn’t afford a horse. Gen thought otherwise. He worked hard to make me fall in love with him. He has always been better for me than he was for anyone else. Sometimes in very dramatic fashion. I think it would make anyone feel good to see a horse rearing and carrying on with someone else suddenly stop and stand like a statue as soon as they saw you. He always would always try to do what I asked of him, even when it was hard.
His personality is a perfect match for me. I like having a needy attention seeking horse who in the same breath is also very brave and never is afraid of anything. Gen trusts me implicitly and always has. Can you say the same about your horse? I know that Gen has gone against his better judgement on several occasions to do things because I want to do them.
I also know that no matter what Gen would never hurt me intentionally. Even when Gen was in a blind panic during a lesson and wanted to dump me just to get away, he wouldn’t do it. When he would be carrying on having a grand time bucking and leaping around and I would start to get unseated he would stop. I cannot tell you the number of times that he saved me from coming off, even going from being out of control to a dead stop because he wanted to take care of me. Sure, he can give me a hard time (especially when in a bad mood) but he always knows to stop before he hurts me. Even on the ground if I slip he will drop his head so I can grab his neck for support.
Gen might not care at all for himself (which is why I don’t trust him that he could just be ridden at the walk) but he has and hopefully always will care for me.
My horse loves me. In fact, I might even say that he adores me. I have been told many times that my horse is a much softer, kinder, and gentler horse when I around. That his eye changes along with his manner as soon as he hears my car.
Because he has put so much trust in me I feel like I have to make sure that he is okay. Like it is my duty.
Yes, I will admit that I panic about him more than I need too, but I can’t help it.
I almost lost him.
The thought of loosing him again is enough to bring tears to my eyes.
I love Gen.
He is perfect for me. Not only in mind, but everything about it. When I rode him it was amazing. His gaits matched me completely. We have the exact same walk. I could sit his trot like it was nothing because it fit my body so well.
I have made every big decision in my life since 2005 with him in mind. He means so much to me. It is almost like he carries my joy around with him. The only thing that I can guarantee will make my day better if it is not going right is a trip to the barn. I know that very few people will truly understand this post. Most people will think “but he is just a horse”. He might be just a horse to you, but he is not to me.
He is my proof that dreams do come true. My hope that there is a God because I have no other explanation as to how out of all the horses and people in the world we could find each other. Gen is my permission to still believe in miracles. Gen is my hope that some times things work out just the way that they are supposed to. Gen is, without a doubt, my once in a life time horse. Even retired I couldn’t imagine that there is any better horse in the world.