Pity Party for 1 please

So yesterday my favorite fun show grounds had a show…and I wasn’t there 😦 I hadn’t blogged a lot about going because I think I sort of knew all along that it wasn’t going to work out. I was going to borrow my friends horse for the in hand classes and she was going to ride him in the other classes. Well he came up lame and the vet came out on Thursday before the show. He was going to be fine, but it would take a few days. She offered to let me still bring him for the in hand class on Saturday, but I didn’t want to steal her horse for the day when she couldn’t have any fun with him herself.

I know it sounds so stupid, but I was really disappointed. Like disproportionately disappointed.

I felt bad for my friend, but I selfishly also felt bad for myself.

I would say that most of the time I am a happy owner of a retired horse. Every once and a while though…I don’t know…something makes me really frustrated with my situation.

I get all of the troubles of owning horse. I have the full expense, the full stress and all the worries, yet I don’t get to ride.

I am sure some of you are thinking “if you were just going to do in hand, why not bring Gen”.

I wish I could! Especially because we have been playing with the in hand stuff and not only does he stop squarely every time with me, trot off like a pro, and match my stride perfect, but we are even working on turns. I know he has bad conformation, but I feel like we could at least do well in a Showmanship class because Gen thrives on attention and I know he would turn on the charm for a judge. I think knowing that is one of the reasons I got upset.

The reason I couldn’t bring Gen?? Because he SUCKS at trailering. He will only keep 2 legs on the ground THE WHOLE TIME. His bad leg gets stressed just with normal spring mud, there is no way that I could selfishly risk hurting him for a few ribbons. How bad is he in the trailer? When Gen moved to Hill Farm the vet came out to sedate him. When Heart trailered home from the vet hospital after breaking her leg the vet literally used HALF the amount of sedatives he used on Gen. Yeah, Gen is that bad and everyone that knows him is aware of that fact.

So yeah. Yesterday I gave myself a full blown pity party.

I just wanted to go a show this year. Why is that so much to ask??? I didn’t even need to ride in the show and yet even that could not happen.

So I sat at home in my pj’s and did nothing but feel sorry for myself. I played Frontierville for HOURS. I made myself a big breakfast. I watched trashy TV. I did nothing but mope. I sat there on the couch feeling bad for myself. I ignored the picture perfect weather outside, my cell phone, and all the messages from people asking my cheer up. Not a good way to spend the last day on earth right :P. Finally at about 11:30 after a good long cry I got up.

Every once and a while I think I am allowed to be frustrated with how owning my first horse turned out. It reminds me that things are never perfect and that things never turn out the way that they are supposed to. The important thing is that I deal with those feeling and move on. There is no use crying over things not being perfect. Life is all about how we react and deal with things. How could I ever be unhappy when I have a beautiful Thoroughbred in my life? How could I complain that I can’t show when I have a great mare to ride? So what if I don’t have one of those charmed stories where I have a horse that I have gone through the levels with? I still have a horse, and one that was in dire need of some TLC and carrots.

I got up, put my britches on and went out to enjoy the day. I think Gen could tell I was upset because he stood like a statue when I was grooming him and was extra affectionate. Even the mare gave me our best ride ever. As I was driving home a storm was heading in, but it had been hot and buggy for the horses all day so I smiled thinking of how happy all the horses I could see would be to get a little break and a nice shower. It reminded me that sometimes the things that make our lives challenging really are there to make our lives better. I took the long way home so I could stop by the barn and see my Gen again.

Gen is perfect in my eyes and I am so grateful to have him in my life.

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3 thoughts on “Pity Party for 1 please

  1. Everyone has pity parties now and then, and like you, the party goes on until the frustrations are aired and then we pick up the pieces and move on.

    The real key is that no outside influence(s) can change what brought about the party. The change has to come from within. We have our horses, they have certain strengths and weaknesses–just like us–AND they have certain limitations, also just like us. We love them, however, and work with them, making allowances for the limitations, and that’s just the way it is.

    My last lesson was November 2009, about a week before my shoulder surgery; I was off all supplements and pain meds, per my doctor, in preparation for the operation, and the ride was PAINFUL. The HORSE felt my pain too, so my lesson was 20 minutes long instead of the usual 45 minutes. About a month ago the lady said to me that I needed to “get with the program” (meaning get a suitable saddle since the custom-in-price-only piece of junk is too small for me and pitches me forward) because “the horse isn’t getting any younger.” I said, “True. He’s getting BETTER,” but I haven’t done a thing about getting a different saddle. I have issues trusting that someone with a saddle to sell will do RIGHT by me this time instead of do like the “saddlemaker” and just sell me ANYTHING.

    We all have our crosses to bear, as my grandmother used to say, and when things just pretty much suck, we’re entitled to throw ourselves a party. When it’s over, we move on. Eventually.

  2. Hey, nobody’s lives go perfectly. Everybody has their ups and downs, and while some people’s downs are greater than others, I’m of the opinion that it’s what you do in those down times that makes all the difference. Not that I practice what I preach… 😉
    Isn’t it funny how, no matter what you’re feeling, when you step in the barn it all melts away?

  3. What about working on his trailering issues? Like just work on Gen walking in and out calmly, etc. You never know…you may get to a point where he’s so comfortable in there, that maybe you could take him?? That would be great!

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