Day Thirteen: 30 Day Challenge

Day Thirteen: A picture of your worst riding

I can do better than a picture. I have a video of my worst riding.

I am so ashamed of myself. After everything that has happened on this blog I promised myself that I would show the melt down. I hate myself for having a video like this to begin with. Since I have it though I am going to share. This is me at my worst. The video above is me being a total, and utter snot right before my melt down a few weeks ago. I am hanging on the SchoolMaster mouth and being a total jerk with my riding. This is the last time I rode the SchoolMaster. Just as the video is stopped is where I freaked out, jumped off and LOST IT. I was literally crying the entire length of this video. It is hard to post this because I know that not everyone who reads this blog has my best interest in heart, but if I put my worst out there I can deal with it because it is the truth. I can promise though that next time I feel my emotions taking over when I am on a horse I wont keep pushing until it gets this bad. At least I learned a lesson right? I just wish I had not let my emotions control how I ride. I feel bad when I watch this video. As long as I learned from it I can deal with it, that is what I keep telling myself anyway…

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8 thoughts on “Day Thirteen: 30 Day Challenge

  1. If THAT is your worse riding, you need to get out more – honestly.
    Do you have any idea how many people ride by brute force, vent their temper on their horses and the better ones waterski through their rides?
    I see a horse that is moving along quite relaxed and a rider who is struggling with moving the shoulders instead of the neck.
    MOST people who know the difference between moving the shoulders and moving the neck have moments like this. And MOST riders don’t even know the difference.
    I couldn’t really hear what you were saying, but it sounded like the Schoolmaster did not feel as relaxed as he looked and from your posts I really think this is not the horse for you at this time, personalities and trust and comfort issues DO matter.
    But honestly, if this is your worst riding you really need to stop beating your self up like you do. “hate myself” “being a snot” Actually if your worst riding was yanking on his mouth and spurring the crap out of him you need to stop beating yourself up. Take a different look at the video and see a horse moving in rhythm, neck a little overbent and rider working to correct that. Try to let go of the fact that YOU see that you were very frustrated and unhappy that day and just look at the horse and rider. It is not bad riding, it was just a bad day.

  2. Agreeing with Barbara here. Most of us have gobs of pictures showing us NOT riding well. I learned from reading about pictures of top riders with their horses behind the vertical or their legs back too far or whatever that a picture is just that–a snapshot (albeit digital ;o) of a moment in time. It’s the same thing I say when my instructors compliment me on my position or my execution of a particular move–I get it together … “and then the horse takes another step.” With dressage being “the journey” and all, you have to enjoy the MOMENTS where things “come together” and not sweat the small stuff–or take ONE of the “small stuffs” and work on THAT the next time. By adding successes one “step” at a time, you’ll have more ribbons to add to your wall.

  3. I 100% agree with Barbara. It sounds like your own inner, personal demons are truly the problem as I don’t think you are a bad rider at all. Nor do I think the video shows bad riding – just a very common issue all of us dressage riders struggle with at one time or another. 🙂

  4. Oh my dear OTB… my heart goes out to you. I have videos of myself that I am really not proud of either, and it never looks as bad as it feels, but I have been in your shoes more times than I can count and it’s an awful feeling. Good for you for being strong enough to post it, and smart enough to try to learn from it. It’ll get better. Promise.

  5. I think you see more of inner feelings than what is truly shown on the video. I see a girl riding beautifully that is just dealing with some emotional riding issues. We ALL have that.
    Do you want me to post when I fell apart at a show and just trotted my mare around, looking like I had not a thought in the world, when I was supposed to be jumping. haha!! Trust me…every time you show a ribbon, or do a show, I think to myself…SHE IS SO BRAVE.
    Just deal with your emotions and it will come back…I think this 30 day posting is actually great to let a lot of it out. 🙂

  6. I’m on the same page as everyone else. It looks worse to you than it does to us. You are your own worst critic.

    You know I have nightmares sometimes about the places some of my horses have gone and the treatment they have recieved. I would have no qualms with someone like you riding one of my horses. Making mistakes is not the issue for me, not caring is. Those people who ride like they know everything and are cruel to their horses are the ones I have no tolerance for. You are just NOT one of those riders.

  7. I know this is an older post and you are probably at a different and better place in your riding now.. I just found your blog and I imagine many people have told you they relate to your posts. I am just coming out of a severe riding funk, which I have been really stuggling with on my Schoolmaster. I was a puller, I balanced on my hands, I never softened. Weeks before my first show in A LONG TIME, the not softeneing got worse and my reliable amazing 4th level schoolmaster got pissed and gave up on my ineptitude, gallopping off with me everytime I asked for a trot. Went to the show, got videoed.. and SAw what it looks like when I don’t release and soften my hand. It really hurt to see myself riding that way but I took it to heart and figured it out. These past two weeks, my schoolmaster and I are learning how to trust each other again and getting on the bit by releasing and softening. It is scary to me, but it will get better! Thank you for being brave and sharing this with everyone.

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