So as you can clearly see from my last posts I am in a total funk. Thank you all so much for your kind words, suggestions and thoughts, but I have a feeling that the only person who can pull me out of this funk is me. I have been writing a daily blog about my equestrian life for over three years now. In all of that time I don’t know if I have ever been as disappointed in myself as I was last Saturday. I try very hard to be as honest as possible in my blog. I wanted to share my low because I want to share every part of my journey, not just the good stuff. I find fake blogs very annoying, and there are unfortunately a lot of them out there. You all know the type. They go on and on about how much they love their barn, trainer, or horse and then all of a sudden one day they write a post about how their barn is being investigated by the ASPCA, their trainer is in jail for animal abuse and they sold their horse (okay, that is a bit dramatic, but you get what I am trying to say).
I have lost my confidence. I don’t know why or even when it happened, but I went from the person who loved to ride with others to a total hermit. I am such a confident person in my normal life, that loosing that when it comes to riding is an even bigger blow for me than for most. I LOVED Barbara’s comment to me. While I might feel like I am free falling when it comes to horses right now all I need is a good half halt. I need to sit up, rebalance, take a breath and focus so I can go forward again even better than I was before. Bear with me as it might take a lot of half halts before I finally get the forward that I want!
In WAY more fun news I got something in the mail yesterday that cheered me up a lot. I got an invitation to the year end awards banquet for the fun show series I went to this summer! I know you wont believe me, but even my ribbon whore self had forgotten all about these awards! It was such a great surprise. When I went to get the mail and saw hot pink envelope I could not figure out what it was for. When I opened it I got a huge smile on my face because it was the invite for the banquet. Isn’t it funny how sometimes life gives you a pick me up right when you need it?
I still love the fact that Phoenix and I kicked enough butt in the trail class that we did to score me enough point to get 5th place in the “Senior Western Horsemanship Division”. I love this show grounds! We even got fourth in the pleasure division, which had a TON of people in it. The other shows at this place were the ones where I borrowed my friends Pinto Warmblood to do the In Hand classes. We ended up getting 5th in that and my friend kicked butt and won champion with her hose in the equitation division. The awards ceremony and three giant ribbons are just what I need for a moral boost! Even though I didn’t get any year end awards in dressage it is good to know that I can always do trail 😛 I promise that I will try to be more positive, but I also promise to keep it real.