So since I started riding the Schoolmaster my trainer has been telling me to bring him to a show. I still have one score left that I need for my GMO Bronze Medals. I just need a single score above 60% at training level test 4. My trainer and everyone else who has seen my ride the Schoolmaster all think that I would have not an issue at all getting that score on him. I would have to agree after watching video of the two of us. So why am I not chomping at the bit to get out there?
I don’t really know.
All I have wanted for the past 10 years of my life is to show 3rd level dressage. Now that it is a realistic possibility in the next few years, I am no longer dreaming about it. Weird right?
Something changed in me. I finally feel like maybe I am a decent rider after all. I have seen other people ride the Schoolmaster and he does not give them things unless they ask the right way. That leads me to believe that I have to be doing the right thing to get what I am getting, which is a pretty cool feeling.
Whenever I was at a show in the past and people started talking about levels, etc I would sort of shrink away because I didn’t think I could ever be good enough to even rate in their eyes. I would tell myself that it is much more impressive to break 60% at training level on a dozen horses in 8 years then be able to go through the levels on one well trained horses. I was always so jealous of those people who rode fancy horses and starting doing fancy things right away. I would tell myself that if I ever had the chance to ride a fancy horse I would be able to do all those things too because I had good basics. The thing is, I only half believed it. I just always thought of myself as not a very good rider. For some reason it is really freaking me out to actually be able to do upper level movements. It is almost like I don’t think I deserve to be experience them or something.
So for the past several months my trainer has wanted me to start going out and collecting scores, but for some reason the knowledge that I can do it makes it go much lower on my priority list to actually go out and do it.
I think part of the issue is also that I wouldn’t know what level to go to. My sitting trot is atrocious. Getting that one training level score is going to be easy, but what do I do from there? Ride my crappy sitting trot at second? Hope that the rules change at first so I can post? Stay at training level and go for an award and be that jerky rider who is consistantly in the 70%s?
I also have such a bad taste in my mouth from riding recognized last year that I don’t know if I want to do that again. Are scores from schooling shows going to be enough for me? All of these things have been swirling around my head and making me not want to even think about showing. Add to that the fact that all the issues with modern dressage today and I just need a break from entering at A.
So the close date for the last show of the year just past and I was able to put showing off for this year. I am still not really sure why I didn’t want to go out and show in dressage again in 2010. I guess I will see how I feel over the winter before I decide what I want to do in 2011. A lot can change in a winter…