but after my ride on Phoenix today I am just going to have to save it for next year. Suffice it to say I am having a hard time typing this post because my hands are all tingly from the liniment that is on them. No, I did not fall off. And No, Phoenix did not fall down either. My nerve, that I almost had back, is now gone again. Phoenix did his exploding leaping into the are nonsense again today. He has not tried to pull that crap with me since the fitting. It was scary. I am now scared of Phoenix again. He bolted 4 times, 3 of which had leaping involved. It was so bad that I actually contemplated just throwing in the towel today and taking all my shit and just walking away. Not kidding. I turned in my April money so it would have been like 30 days notice.
I rode the PISS out of Phoenix because I was so mad. At myself just as much as at him. His leaping is just so nasty. If there is warning, I am not feeling it. The first time we were in our canter warm up. I was on a nice big circle to the right when out of no where he takes off full speed. I, of course, sit up and yank on my reins (I know, I know, that is not nice of me at all…if I could react better I would) and as soon as he feels me yanking on his poor face he goes up. That would not be great, but it would not be the biggest deal in the world if that was it. The problem is he keeps leaping. He does it again and again. I cannot stop him until he is ready to be stopped. After 4 times of leaping in the air he continues trying to bolt, to which I do the emergency pully rein so he stops. Blood was boiling in my ears at this point so as soon as he breaks for a trot I am already prepairing to canter him again. Good right? I mean, most people wouldn’t want to canter again if they were scared. At that point I was still okay. It was when we didn’t even make it around half the ring because Phoenix spooked at the dog coming out of the trees that I started to loose it. Once is a young horse in the spring being fresh, twice is now a problem.
I was still determined not to let it get me down so again he took off with me, and again he lept in the air, but this time only twice. Just like last time I refused to come off. I WAS NOT FALLING OFF ON A BEAUTIFUL DAY! I am so making it 8 years without falling off dammit (and yes I did just knock on wood). With the pully rein he stopped, and so again asked him to canter again. We made it around the ring and he was okay so I took a deep breath and did some trot work. Phoenix was sweating and I was hurting. My refusal to come off and to instead move with his dramatic motion had me cringing with pain in my back.
Now that Phoenix had taken off twice with me my nerve was starting to disappear. When out of no where from a beautiful floaty trot he bolted with me again and lept into the air (this time I did not even have time to shorten my reins so I know he didn’t hit my reins or anything) I started to cry. I was scared. Not good people not good. By the 4th time he did it (from the walk mind you) I was ready to be done with him. This was not FUN at all. Why am I doing this? Why am I pouring hundreds and hundreds of dollars into something that is making me cry?!?!?! I did end up getting some more nice trot work before I called it a day, but the tears did not stop. I pretty much cried for the next hour.
PO and I were talking and the reality is that it does no good to ride a horse you are afraid of. None. In fact, all it does is damage. I don’t think I am at that point yet, but I don’t know. And I won’t know until tomorrow when I try and ride again. Phoenix was exhausted and sweaty by the end of the ride. He will be sore tomorrow, hence the liniment. I just want to get him to walk around nicely. Maybe a little trot if he is feeling up to it (which I doubt he will). This is not good people. I need to figure out if I am scared of him. If so, there is no way I can show him and it would also not be a good idea to keep riding him. I have today, Friday and Monday off of work so I can spend plenty of time at the barns. If it is working I need to get out. I mean, yes I have already spent $650 on out show season, but it will cost me a lot more to keep trying if it isn’t working. I just need to take some time to think. And I need to see if I can get my trainer out to see what is going on with Phoenix right now. As PO pointed out, I am not in a good place to make a decision today. I am way to upset. I was doing so well to. I almost had my nerve back. Almost. What a crappy start to my day. Stupid horses. Why do I love them so damn much?!?!