I need my security blanket at this show!

So as you all know I was kind of freaking out about my Mother’s Day show when I saw the times. There were a lot of people in my class, my times were not great, and there are people who are going to be at this show that I know do not wish me well if you know what I mean. Here is was Wednesday before the show and I had already psyched myself out. Part of me was worried because I felt like I was going to be all alone. Texas’s Owner is showing her clients mare again in the same class as me, which meant she would be warming up at the same time as me. I already had visions of she and I trying to get ready at the same time and me being all alone trying to tack up my cold backed horse and not being very successful. Not good mojo right?

It got worse. Texas’s Owner’s times on the 2 different horses she is riding are several hours apart. Enough to go back and drop off her clients horse and to go pick up another clients horse. Since I have a 2nd test that is over an hour after the 1st one I had visions of being left alone yet again at the show grounds with no one to help me, sweating in my show clothes with my fat spotted pony being upset that his mare friend got to go home and he didn’t. You know what the best part about this crazy vision I had for myself? I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF TEXAS’S OWNER IS GOING TO DO THAT! I just decided in my head that is what would happen. Way to keep up that positive attitude right?

So in mini-meltdown mode I called my trainer first thing this morning. I need her to come to the show on Sunday. I just am not ready to go it along with Texas yet. I have been with my trainer for 12 years now. We have gone through periods where we both agree I need to ride with someone else for a while, but after a few lessons else where I always come back because my trainer knows me so well and can help me like no one else. In case you couldn’t already tell I am a total head case when it comes to riding. My biggest road block in riding is my brain. My trainer knows just what to say at a show to make me feel better and to get the best out of me. My trainer has become my security blanket at horse shows! Sure I can do it without her, but I don’t always think I can.

I needed her with me this time around. Of course she told me not to worry, she would come and warm me up and keep me company. She would get me to RIDE in my warm up instead of freak out. She would keep me calm and focused. And she even offered to go and kill the people I am not looking forward to seeing if they say anything mean. Although she also pointed out that these people will say something mean behind my back no matter how fatty and I do on Sunday. We could get an 80% and they would still have something not nice to say.

I can’t ride for them. I need to ride for me. That was something I had thought about myself because in the past day the more I think about the more I realize that I don’t have any one to compete against but myself. I know for a fact that half of the horses in my class have been under saddle and in training for many years already and that several have shown a lot also. My horse didn’t even know what da hell a saddle was for at this time last year! He just started in consistent work for the first time in his life when I started to lease him. Realistically everyone else should beat me. Not that I have given up on myself, it is not that. It is just that if I was paying to have someone ride my horse at least once a week for a length of time I would hope they would beat an adult amateur on a super green horse!

She also gave me a really good pep talk. She reminded me of how years ago I dreamed of showing period. I didn’t care one lick about results. I just thought it was the coolest thing in the world. She also pointed out that while my pony is a baby, he is a really good baby. In the past 4 months of leasing him we have gone from not always staying in the ring to having an amazing trot in our lessons and the correct lead most of the time. She also took the time to remind me that before the show season even started I made kind of a big deal about saying that ribbons were not important this year (who me? I clearly wasn’t thinking straight at the time ) and that all I wanted was exposure for my baby horse. She also pointed out that I didn’t ride last time. I mean, was on the horse, but I was happy enough that he was being good so I didn’t ask for more. Didn’t I think I could do better if I asked for better?

So all in all it was a really good talk and she helped me to refocus myself and set some really good goals for this show. It is funny how her promise to help me has made all my worries about the show melt away. I am now starting to get excited about it! And that is the attitude I need to be successful with this baby horse. So who is proud of me for letting go of the ribbons? Because I am totally proud of myself! I think I deserve a gold star

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